Addicted to "yes"?
Being remote, we jump to say "yes" to show our commitment--here's how to stop
There are some things I unequivocally will tell you that you should definitely say yes to. Tacos is one of them.
The parade of meetings, tasks, favors, squads, programs, working groups, heavy lifts, light lifts, messages, decks, write-ups, notes…somewhere along the line you have to say “no.”
But here’s the problem for us remote and hybrid workers: when our paranoia overcomes us and we worry about being “out of sight, out of mind,” every request to do something or be part of something calls to us like a siren song. What if we say “no”? Will we miss that one golden opportunity for someone important to know we are still at the company, still doing great work? What if we miss that?
Quickly we are triple booked throughout the day while multi-tasking in the one meeting we decided to attend.
Many remote employees fall into the “yes” trap because it makes them feel more present, visible and less likely to be forgotten.
You need to give yourself and your team permission and confidence to say “no” and reassure yourself and them that they won’t be forgotten if they do.
Clarity Tip #2: Breaking the “yes” addiction
Saying “no” when you work physically away from your team takes a huge level of clarity in your own mind: self-awareness, confidence, and of course support from your leaders. Some tips to saying no:
Be clear about what success looks like to YOU. Be clear about your goals, what you need to deliver to feel like you have “won the week.” I recently started asking myself “What will make you feel good on Friday?” and the answer to that question is how I will win the week. Suddenly I want to say “no” to anything that risks that good Friday feeling.
If too many meetings are the issue, say “no” to some of your invites and share a document, result, insight or strategy with the attendees (if productive for their agenda) in lieue of attending. Your words and ideas can represent you more than you give them credit for. Keep it to one slide, no more than 2-3, and be sure it addresses their agenda.
Spot the “adjacent yes.” If what you’re being asked to be involved in doesn’t help you win the week, is there something you can say “yes” to that this person will also care about that is closer to what you care about, too? Our work is always made up of many strands of activity…there will be an adjacent yes that makes more sense for everyone.
Remember that trying to be everywhere and do everything all at once will put you on a fast track to burnout. If you aren’t involved in something, your team and your company won’t forget you. I promise. See your incessant “yes” habit for what it is—a remote work coping tactic, and one that won’t help you cope in the long term.
Do you struggle with the “yes” addiction? Do you notice how much you do it, and when it’s more motivated by fear than focus? Hit reply and I’ll get your message in my personal email, or leave a comment below (which I’ll also see in my personal email). I appreciate learning about how remote and hybrid work is working for you, so share away!
Good luck—you have my permission to say “no”!
You are reading month 4 in the 5-month series, the “Season of Connectedness,” adapted from my guide for remote and hybrid teams, “Your Resource Is Human.” Visit my site to read a free sample and find out more about the book.